David Mitchell vs Cornish

This is a back’long episode from the with-out-a-doubt, ‘hilarious’ public schoolboy, David Mitchell’s, BBC funded ‘David Mitchell’s Soapbox’.
This series was a chance for the floppy-fringed posh boy to spout exactly what he’d been brought up to think, in a ‘funny way’!

In this episode he takes on Gaelic but within ridicules the Cornish language in the most disgusting fashion.
The uninformed buffoon’s tirade includes the idea that “campaigning to put it (Cornish) on road signs is completely lunatic”, apparently unaware that the majority of our place-names are actually Cornish!
There is a Cornwall Council policy of making English road signs bilingual – so unfortunately for Mr Mitchell and although it has nothing to do with him, it is at no extra cost to the Cornish tax-payer and these signs are only replaced as needed.

Mitchell’s drivel is smug, Victorian in thinking and at best, slightly fascistic.

Oh, those days at school when he went to Latinland to hear those Latins speaking Latin. He must remember them well…

Mitchell might do well to remember that in a time when Cornish (not English) was spoken by virtually the entire population of Cornwall, three Cornishmen were saving the English language (such as it was) from extinction. But for they, David Mitchell would be speaking Norman French and probably wouldn’t be called ‘David Mitchell’ either.

To be honest, I’ve never found this clown funny (nor, for that matter, his mine-shaft nosed counter-part) and this just confirmed my conviction.

Porth Emmet

The excellent short film Porth Emmet from Fylmys Glawlen Gwer.

Porth Emmet from Fylmys Glawlen Gwer on Vimeo.

 

Political, Cultural and Educational Effects on Learners in Cornwall Survey

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/YRP3FRL

Who Do the Cornish Think They Are?

With the recent Sun article getting some all hot and bothered about us pesky Cornish, I thought I’d stick up a tiny proportion of the ignorant/ill-informed/mis-informed/half-baked drivel, general weirdness and abuse levelled at us on newspaper sites, Youtube, Wikipedia and fora across the last few years. (All typos, randomness and piss-poor grammar are as written):

Daily Mail

“I live in Cornwall and worked here for most of the last 35 years. (Well someones got to live and work here !!!)
PLEASE ignore these idiotic ideas. We have about 6 people who wear St Piran type g-strings, see through shirts and try to talk in Cornish. You can learn Cornish by popping down your local, drinking 15 pints, and try and hold a conversation with a stuffed parrot.
IF you pop down, and you are most welcome, keep off the moors between 3.00am and 5.00am as you may see some men wearing sheets dancing round a granite block shouting about a sheep.” This is Cornwall

“Its a well known fact that most people born in Cornwall County are a bit inbred and are likely to grow up claiming the dole or sick money from the English. I holiday down there and my money supports these thickos.
England is THE Country and County Cornwall a holiday part of it. The Cornwallese are there to serve and clean up after those of us who go there and spend our money to keep them in their hovels. This year I am going to come down with the biggest England George flags just to help them remember that they are part of England and should be grateful for it. Its time for the English to unite and remind the Jocks, Taffs, immigrants and anyone else that it is our English Pound Notes that feeds them. England will arise and then watch out ! Our great Football Team is just the start. Warming up now but the boys will winthrough for us ! Remember people of Cornwall its our money – Bank of England – our noble flag St George of England and our Army which you want to thank.”    

“i have to live amongst the inbred filth. i have to work along side the inbred filth. i have to talk to the inbred filth. i take the piss out of them and they throw their dollies out of the pram. they are unable to have a conversation without pasties being mentioned. they bring their mums in to show off the love bites. They think jethro is funny. They make up history to suit themselves. They rename birds to make thei tawdry lives more important. They complain about lithuanians not being able to speak english but cant themselves Robert Baillie 26/04/11″ Facebook

“the cornish have no pride unless there’s something in it for them” Facebook 

“until you’ve put up with what i’ve had to put up with today you cannot ever accept that shit can be piled that high. single celled amoeba are more interesting. i am not violent but i really want to seriously hurt the inbred filth. Robert Baillie 27/04/11” Facebook

“I don’t give a damn about the constitutional status of Cornwall, it could become “Independent” tomorrow and I wouldn’t raise an eye-lid, but it’s not acceptable to push a POV on this encyclopaedia like that. There are rules here, things have to be sourced, factual balanced in a POV manner.” Wikipedia

“As for the “duchy question” on the Cornwall article, you are also well aware that it is discussed on the talkpage. Your bnehaviour is exactly the sort of idiotic, unthinking nonsense that gets Cornish nationalism such a bad name amongst so many people (not least in Cornwall, where most people find the likes of you irrelevant irritants). You are doing more to undermine the movement for greater Cornish autonomy than the most rabid English nationalists ever will, simply because you make it impossible for anyone to take you seriously.” Wikipedia

“Deletion as MK aims are covered in the above, tweaked wording (Rights implies oppression of the Cornish people which is a fantasy of some” Wikipedia

“Total tosh as usual, the Cornish have no Celtic heritage to claim. They have no historical claim of a seperate history from England, most claimed ‘culteral history’ claim dates from a fictional history book and its claims in the 1920. This is just fiction claimed by a few Middle Class wombats with some wierd agenda that could lead to millions being wasted on fiction. There are many genuine claims could be made by other areas of Britain with a very genuine claim, the extremists in Cornwall have none!” The Guardian

“As a  London tax payer I would be delighted to kick the Celtic fringes into touch whether they wanted it or not.  I would be richer but it would not be right though.  All Celtic Nationalists parties would be well advised to pipe down in case the English took them at their word.” The Guardian

“I don’t mind them getting independence as long as they don’t hold me up at the border. If they make it difficult for us Londoners to spend long weekends in Cornwall their economy would collapse.” The Guardian

“Oh, do sod off. To suggest the Cornish are somehow a different ethnic people from the rest of England is absurd.” YouTube

“the Cornish are so ungrateful! who wouldn’t want to be part of the greatest, most culturally advanced country (England) in the world! why do you think so many immigrants come here for a better life?? if the Cornish want to be even less well off economically than they already are then let them have their independance! if it is offered to them they would not take it any way, these ‘freedom campaigners’ simply want something to whine about. how could a DUCHY hope to survive on its own with no industry???” YouTube

“I think the thing here is that Cornwall is quite an irrelevant place, with high unemployment and a fading fast economy. Nobody outside of Cornwall cares what happens to it. So, by all means argue the toss over what somebody said in an historical document 400 years ago. It’s not going to make a blind bit of difference. England owns you.” YouTube

“Cornwall is basically just a shit hole. It is the poorest county in England (yes, that’s right – ENGLAND!) and pretty soon people are going to get fed up with being ripped off by the inbred yokels that inhabit Cornwall along with the masses of retired folk from the rest of England.” YouTube

“an overwhelming bigmouth minority of Cornish people want independence backed by big muth evangelists and bigmouth IRA types and big mouth Alec Salmond types. But yet no fucker will vote for their right-wing political party why is this, I wonder?” YouTube

“Ha if cornwall became independent where would the money come from?…lol you live in cloud cookoo land…very small, irelevent,no money,little man sydrome…nearly as bad as the jocks…lol” YouTube

“Yes because a country could survive with Cornish pasties being the backbone of  it’s economy(!) Morons!!” The Sun

“One of the poorest counties in England wants to be cut free to run it’s own afairs, but still be subsidised by the rest of us I suppose. Cut the inbred pasty muching oafs adrift, and see how they survive.” The Guardian

“As along as they don’t want English taxpayers’ money they can do what they like. But, oh no they want that too. Bit like the “independence of most African countries: an illusion that lasts as long as it takes for the begging bowl to come out” The Independent

“Beautiful county populated with sullen indifferent inbreds.they’re looking forward to reviving their old ways,luring ships onto the rocks and drowning sailors.” The Independent

“I’ve only been to Cornwall a couple of times and I found it a wet, dismal dump with cloudy beer and horrible tourist traps, populated by whinging ginger dwarves speaking in an accent that makes the Welsh sound erudite. They eat minced dog and carrots wrapped in cardboard pastry and call it a ‘local delicacy’, which I suppose it is if the alternative is scrawny sheep?” Arrse

“Bearded pasty eating kuntards,,,,and that’s just the women.” dont-start-me-off

“I just don’t see why Cornwall would want to be independent. They’ve faced no genuine oppression, they don’t really have a separate culture, just pasties and a black and white flag. Yorkshire has more features unique from the rest of the UK than Cornwall, start going down that line and every county will want to be a country.” The Student Room

And finally, my personal favourite for its mind-boggling stupidity!

“Cornwall’s in England, granted it has a different history and language but its English so end of story.” YouTube

*
All in all, pretty sickening eh?

Atoms for Peace

Very heartening to see supergroup Atoms for Peace using Cornish on their website:

Nerth nuclerek? Na vynnav. Nuclear power? Nah.

Atoms for Peace band members include Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers and Radiohead’s Thom Yorke.

Ober da!

Flag Grab

“Breaker, breaker, get that flag gone!”, “Roger D!”

 

New footage just in.

From 3:12 you can see the policeman in question receiving instruction via his earpiece and then grabbing the Cornish flag from torch bearer Andrew Ball.

Olympic Shame but no Surprise!

We Cornish are used to assaults on our identity. It’s been happening for centuries. So it didn’t really come as much of a surprise that the Olympic Torch relay would be used as such.

In the preceding days before the relay, several Cornish campaigners were visited at their homes by the Devon police in Cornwall and warned off any protests should they be thinking of having them. In scenes reminiscent of Speilberg’s ‘Minority Report’, it now seems D&C Police have a ‘Future Crimes/Not Actually a Crime’ unit operating in this ‘democracy’!
Sgt Tom Cruise said, “We will show those pesky ‘Oo-Arrs’ a thing or two!”.

With the Olympics being a sporting event (and not a thinly veiled corporate/commercial juggernaut), lots of people in Cornwall were bewildered that Julie Kitchen – the Cornish woman ranked no.1 in the world for ladies Muaythai boxing and also a 14x world champion was overlooked to carry the torch. They were even more bewildered when a lot of the bearers didn’t even come from or live in Cornwall!

Next, is the archway at Pen an Wlas or Land’s End. A bilingual sign with the Cornish coat-of-arms and the flag of St. Piran proudly displayed. Not any more!

No Cornish Please…

…We’re English!

New paint job and no Cornish, just as the world’s media descends on Kernow! Coincidence? Apparently not. The re-painting of the sign was only part of an ongoing refurbishment programme and had nothing to do with the torch relay event the management explained. However, an ITV reporter noted the smell of fresh paint the morning of the relay…
It’s not all bad though for Kernewek: “Cornish is displayed prominently as well as other languages on another sign within the attraction” say the bucket&spadebrigade entertainers. Great, lost with a multitude of other European languages.
See what Maga: the Cornish Language Partnership had to say here: http://vimeo.com/42544690

And so to Andrew Ball: the last runner in Kernow. In Saltash and carrying the flag of Cornwall along with the torch on his journey to England. Unconfirmed reports suggest the flag was unceremoniously ripped from his hand by one of his Metropolitan stormtrooper escorts.

The Met man, he no like Baner Peran!

Apparently the flag was ‘political’ and therefore could not be carried past all the Union flags being fluttered and flown! Orders had come from above ie. LOCOG (London Organising Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games), who seemingly now tell the police what to do!
I wonder, will the Welsh and Scottish people be stopped from running with their flags?

As a collegue pointed out: ‘Article 14 (prohibition of discrimination) of the Human Rights Act states that:  “The enjoyment of the rights and freedoms set forth in this Convention shall be secured WITHOUT DISCRIMINATION on any ground such as sex, race, colour, LANGUAGE, religion, POLITICAL OR OTHER OPINION, ASSOCIATION WITH A NATIONAL MINORITY, property, birth or other status”.  (My emphasis).
LOCOG and its partners breached this at least twice on Saturday.’

Very early on in the day the Met were already getting fired up!

Met police getting ‘heavy’ with a local

I expect old Adolf would have approved…

On a lighter note, David Beckham kindly thanked everyone at RAF (sic) Culdrose! Nice one Dave!

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**** NEW FOOTAGE OF FLAG GRAB – check here: https://anhelghyer.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/flag-grab/ ****

Cornish National Minority Report

Further to my previous post on the Cornish National Minority report 2 you can now view it online:

http://www.oldcornwall.org/Cornish%20Minority%20Report%20final%20doc.%20PDF.pdf

Does Accent Matter?

Lying in bed this morning with the window open and listening to the voices of some of the people in my street, going off to work, it struck me as very depressing. Depressing in the sense that I heard not a single Cornish accent in the tiny cobbled street of the village I live in, in West Penwith.  Where once the streets of the village would be ringing with Cornish accents, they now grow fewer and fewer. What has happened? Well obviously the influx of up-country people is in-part to blame. Of the eleven houses in the bottom half of my street, only four house Cornish folk. Two, (the biggest) don’t house anyone but for a few days a year. But it’s more than just that and it’s apparent all over Cornwall.

That most fantastic of Cornish writers, the late Nick Darke, once said, “A community that loses its past is in danger of losing its way.”
While masses is happening in the Duchy to preserve our language, old customs etc. the one thing on the way out, it seems, is our beautiful accent. For years, any ‘rural’ accent has denoted the speaker as ‘stupid’ and therefore a disadvantage. So people have started to lose their accents to avoid being tarred with that condescending brush. Today we are bombarded with southern accents; RP or home counties through television and radio. Things changed a little in the nineties, when more ‘regional’ accents were heard but these tended to be a mix of north country, Scots and the ever present home counties. You can’t even hear a local accent on local radio or television anymore. I know of schools in Cornwall whose pupils have been told to stop speaking with a Cornish accent by the teacher. Little wonder then, some of our young folk talk nothing like us.

Renowned Cornish film maker Mark Jenkin:
“I haven’t got a Cornish accent because when I went to school, it was thought the Cornish accent was not a very good thing to have. So you were kind of told, not directly but it was certainly coaxed out of you, the Cornish accent. People are beginning to be proud of their Cornish accents again now but when I was growing up it was a thing to be ashamed of and that’s because of these depictions we have. If you want to have a stupid character in a TV programme, give them a Cornish accent. So what does that do to kids who are growing up? They sit down and watch ‘good-old, respectable BBC’ and they show somebody who’s an idiot speaking the way they speak. So what do they do? They change the way they speak. And it’s a beautiful accent. We need somebody for Cornish people to look up to, who’s Cornish, who’s got a Cornish accent, to start redressing that balance, so in my films, characters will have Cornish accents and the cooler the character, then the stronger their fucking accent as far as I’m concerned!”

Luckily Mark’s not alone. Pockets of young people all over the Duchy are producing work that revels in being Cornish, having an accent and speaking Kernewek. Young people need to be proud of who they are and hold on to precious things like their accents.

So does accent matter? Bleddy right it does! Dialect is vitally important as well. Without it we become drones. Borg-like nobodies. I don’t want to sound like people who live hundreds of miles away, a people with whom I have no connection. I want to sound like my Father, like my grand-parents and their parents did. Like the old boys I work with. Like a Cornishman!
Accent underpins who we are as a people, along with our dialect, our language and our history.

Skynt/Piran

Today I have decided to lighten the mood. Below are two links – one on the good news that The St. Piran Trust have been given a grant to be used for the prep work on excavating St Piran’s Oratory in Perranporth. The other, a link to the brilliant Skynt: The Musical. This was the winner of the Govyn Kernewek 2010 award, which allows filmmakers a budget of £5000 to make a film using the Cornish language.

http://www.st-piran.com/latestnews.htm

http://vimeo.com/18760085

Sowena!